|Image Source: Mike Luckovich of The Atlanta Journal-Constitution|
BACKWASH, ALABAMA (CDN) — According to a new poll, conducted by the Cultural Diffusion Network, approximately 43% of surveyed Republicans believe Pope Francis is actually a follower of the Islam religion.
100 registered voters to the Republican Party were surveyed outside of the James Earl Ray Arena, following a Donald Trump rally held in some backwash town in Alabama that our reporters had difficulty traveling to, as it was not labeled on Google Maps.
We were reluctantly able to interview one of the surveyees, named "Gubba" by his Icelandic grandparents. When asked what religious denomination Pope Francis belongs to, Gubba responded, "That commie sum-a-b****? He sure as hell ain't Christian, speakin' that 'ching-chong, Paki' language, preachin' 'bout welfare. I hope Trump sends his ass back to Ghana with Barack Hussein Obama and all them other Mexican Muslims!"
When asked several follow-up questions such as: "Are you aware that the Pope has been speaking Spanish during his Catholic sermons because he is from Argentina?", "Do you believe China, Pakistan, Mexico, and Ghana are on the same continent?", "Didn't Jesus support welfare?", "Are you aware that President Obama was raised Christian and born in the United States to a Kenyan father?", "Did you know that Kenya is over 82% Christian?", and "Have you ever actually met a non-Caucasian person in your entire life?", Gubba declined to answer.
Pope Francis had visited the United States for the first time in the past week, leading sermons for millions of Catholic viewers worldwide. We reached out to the Vatican for a reaction to our report; they responded with, "Islam and Christianity? Same God, different s***."